Failing better

When it comes to love, mistakes, I've made a few as Frank sang so eloquently.

At the ripe old age of... Ummm, no. I’m not actually going to share how old I am! So at the ripe old age of XYZ, I’ve had two long term relationships, one of which was an 8 year partnership with my now ex-husband. While the relationship did not last, I consider that it succeeded and failed equally along the way. We dissolved our union amicably and went our separate ways. Since then, I’ve dated on and off with mixed results. 

First came the alcoholic. Oh he was exciting at first! And he hid his drinking incredibly well. Or I didn't see it. Or I didn't want to see it. Not initially anyway. He was so much FUN, light hearted, kind and generous to fault, the kind of man who wouldn’t hurt a fly. And, he had no idea how to take care of himself. None. If our partners provide a mirror of ourselves, this one reflected how badly I needed to learn to take care of myself, for myself. The relationship lasted longer than it should have. 

Second came the dutiful son. He was the perfect antidote to the alcoholic. He was über responsible, hardly ever drank, was hard wired to a daily/weekly/yearly routine that hadn't changed in over a decade. Fun was not part of his vocabulary. Due to circumstances that had been thrust upon him at a younger age, he had given up on what he really wanted out of life and “made do.” Turns out, I was “making do” too. The relationship petered out after a year and a half. 

Third came the lightning bolt. He was older, the most handsome man I've ever met, accomplished, confident, well traveled, well read, and he went out of his way to sweep me off my feet. Falling for him came hard AND fast, hence the lightning bolt status. He was also emotionally unavailable and hurtful. From the very beginning, I never felt "good enough" which led to my confidence and my self-esteem dwindling to almost nothing. I wanted him to love and respect me but I wasn’t loving or respecting myself. This one didn’t last long but it took a while to get over it.

Taking care of myself. Never giving up on my dreams. Respecting and loving myself.

These are important lessons I learned by failing at these three relationships. In the end, it’s not about finding the perfect partner, but a perfectly good one. There is a difference in my book. It's about finding someone who fits with you and will stick by you - and vice versa - through the ups and downs of life, whether they are your high school sweetheart or someone you meet later on in life.

I am grateful for these failures. I won't stop trying because failing better, means succeeding better. Ask any entrepreneur worth their salt.